i'm so tired

[failure]

. why I played this character.
2. my favourite moment in canon for this character. / my favourite moment in the game for this character
3. my favourite piece of headcanon for this character.
4. Something about this character which makes me laugh.
5. Something about this character which makes me cry.
6. One of your characters that I think would get along well with them

Or just ask for headcanon.

Comments

this isn't that long.

[failure]

1. why I played this character.

Aw man this dick. Let's just say I had my reasons. I also wanted to see what would happen if Rhea, Nathan and Zafer had a child. The answer was terrifying, as you would expect.

2. my favourite moment in canon for this character. / my favourite moment in the game for this character

FUCK. I had so many.

* Talking to Elia
* Going through the Hour with Rhys
* Killing the rabbit
* Running through the hour w/ Firedog!!!!!
* Getting nommed by Cristo
* Moirine's apology over the ledgers (that led to the final breakup in the taylor swift saga of their lives)
* writing formal letters a masterclass w/ mari ("my dearest mr lord naevin can you get me someone to shadow lots of love mari")
* losing the will to live while camping
* Pretty much every log/thread with Rhys/Cristo/Ermesinda/Silas/Marijke/Moirine although some of them could be pretty intense!
* i will name every SINGLE ONE OF HER THREADS YOU DUCKING WATCH ME.

3. my favourite piece of headcanon for this character.

* She and Cristo continue w/ their weird friendship into the 21stC. DOES THIS NEED TO BE STATED I WROTE A LITERAL NOVELLA ABOUT IT. I actually have email threads about, off the top of my head, their matching three howling wolves t-shirts, a horrible band they started and hunting girl scouts (she gets the cookies). They probably also watch Twilight with obnoxious commentary (the only way to watch it) that dissolves into fury on Cristo's part when the werewolf doesn't just kill Edward and drunkenness on Mari's part because Twilight.
** She wanted to be Cristo's friend because she thought that if he liked her, maybe he wouldn't kill her. Then she wanted to be Cristo's friend because he congratulated her for murdering Aldo and then, later, told her she wasn't a killer. Which was pretty different to everything else she'd been hearing. Not really headcanon.
* Playing the magical game of house arrest w/ Diana and handing over all info she can on the Whispers.
** No seriously I really enjoy the idea of her dropping by the Guard station and handing herself into Diana since she came pretty close to it pretty often at the end of the game.
* I also like the idea of her finishing her transfer to Adept completely quietly and w/ no friends, Marijke and Rowan just sort of sending her looks occasionally when they pass in the hall which she pretends she hasn't seen (for their own good, she says, but she's always been selfish), and then leaving. And turning up in France, and maybe finally finding a family there. I figured she'd travel along as a surgeon for hire (probably under a really imaginative pseudonym like Marianne Clew), meet a dude and help him get started as a merchant, then marry him. And then have things be super awkward when they take a trip back to Tyrol to sell some textiles and she bumps into people and pretends to be someone else.......again.
* It takes years for her to go back home. She tries to forget her own language and the name Llewelyn. But stuff keeps popping up over the years and reminding her until she finally takes her name/her language/the wrecked remains of the farmhouse she watched her family die in back!

4. Something about this character which makes me laugh.

I think she's pretty funny! Like Nate she's a very barbed character, which gives me a lot of space to write sarcastic stuff. I dunno she's always seemed pretty...tragicomic to me? I have a lot of space there to write a long log about Mari wandering around town trying to unpick her feelings for Rhys and failing again or to write an equally long log abt Mari finding a pot of something, putting the contents into her mouth, realising it's glue and eating it anyway because it tastes pretty good.

Also, she's a fucking dumbass some of her failures are funnier than sad.

5. Something about this character which makes me cry.

Uhhhhh big shocking fact I cried a lot writing some of her threads. I never admitted it because being accused of being attached/too involved in characters is a big fear for me (maybe that's why I'm always killing them off?). I don't think it was involvement; I'm not one of those people who look at threads and go "yep this person is perfect i can see no wrongs here" which would be pretty impossible w/ Mari for even the most involved player I think, even though a couple of (OOC) comments stung. I guess it was more since...um, obvious reasons I could draw on personal experience when it came to writing about grief and other negative emotions.

Here's a quick list anyway (it won't be a quick list. I'm so sorry, I must be super annoying at this point but she's my babe):

* I think she was falling in love with Rhys when he died.
* She was a little in love with Marijke.
* ...I could write pages on her relationship w/ Moirine/Marijke/Rhys and the weird love thing she had for them and happily will if you let me.
* I still can't tell if she actually loved Moirine or if that was just some kind of Stockholm Syndrome bleeding out of Moirine being the least threatening/most sympathetic of the three people she was forced to work for. Their entire relationship was just one big clusterfuck of dysfunction and it really did a number on her - you can see it in their last log. I think that last log's also a very good indicator of the psychological effect of their twin obsessions. Moirine assumes Mari is upset because she ratted on her to Allen (because Moirine is in love with Allen). Mari is upset because she feels Moirine is using information she told her in privacy to attack her (because Mari idks Moirine). It's just a giant clusterfuck of awful. I went back through their logs when I was chatting to someone the other day and I maybe made a Spotify playlist. Please don't judge me. I'm addicted to horrible relationships.
* Her entire friendship attempt with Cristo becomes really fervent on her end after he tells her he doesn't think she's a killer.
* She seems to lose everything every few years. It's partially her fault, partially fate.
* Abel was everything she wanted to be, everything she saw as privileged. And everything seemed to come easy to him - to her, when she was him.
* Which just underlines the fact that she doesn't want to be herself.
* Maybe because she was always left feeling like she wasn't enough by herself. There's several points in her logs where she says negative things about herself, like she has a personality nobody would want to marry, or something else. She comes across as pretty confident a lot of the time, but she lashes out very easily at anyone who seems to have it better than her/be better than her which is pretty indicative of the fact that sometimes outer confidence doesn't go too far. Which was why when Godric offered the chance to manipulate Belief, she grabbed it. She was always being - in her view - overpowered, overruled, treated like an idiot or a liar. Even though she brought it on herself a lot of the times, I guess that insecurity all teenage girls feel and her own unique circumstances went all perfect storm. But then she still wasn't right - she was frustrated by the thought that now nobody wanted her around.
* You can see a pretty marked difference on her idea of friendship from the beginning of the game to the end. It goes from something comradely to uuuhhh. Very capitalist, I guess? /she goes from viewing her relationship with Rhys as "ideal" to viewing her relationship with Cristo as "authentic."
* She goes from coping teen to struggling feral animal within the space of about six months.
* I DON'T KNOW SHAY. I DON'T FUCKING KNOW. NOW I KNOW WHY I TRY TO EMOTIONALLY DISTANCE MYSELF. THERE'S MORE I COULD PUT ON HERE. MORE.
* watch me actually add more geez I was reminded recently (going over the logs for something super important that definitely wasn't a thing where Mari and Cristo get matching tshirts and burn down an apple store) that Mari started getting anxiety attacks after Cristo broke her ear, and they became super regular after Rhys's death to the point where she wrote Cristo to ask if he'd help her to dig him up (which she then deleted...g-good decision??). No, I was just thinking I guess, if she'd had access to modern healthcare/hadn't been afraid to admit to them to anyone other than the werewolf trying to kill her, then a lot of the stuff that happened post-Rhys would not have. I'd love to re-do that, or at least get her some help. How ridic haha but seriously my dream log would be like, someone listening very calmly and then going all "ok so you realise you're traumatised and having an anxiety attack right? Here's the number of a therapist and I'm sitting right here til you call them." A disproportionate number of my cast have anxiety issues but I'd say it's a little justified here. IDK sometimes she is just the personification of Conversation 16 by The National - she hid her broken ear from Marijke and everyone else (until Lucia found out) because she did not want to disappoint anyone, and that is probably why she hides the anxiety attacks. She cried a lot (def more than anyone I've ever played) and a lot of that was from fear/in stressful environments but I don't think anyone picked up on that or linked the two.
* idk, Mari says she's only loyal to Moirine but you only need to look at this to see that really, it's Cristo who's the one lord she serves unconditionally. I mentioned above how he tells her she's not a killer, but there's other things; Mari has only really seen her herself as a tool in GH and a lot of her major cr treat her like a tool in various ways. Cristo treats her like a tool too. But even though he says he doesn't respect her, he does act with more respect than others - when he eats bits of her, he sticks to what she allows him to take; he offers her favours and a measure of protection in return. It's a pretty kind relationship - Tobias smashed her face into a wall and gave her to Silence; Silence poisoned her and threatened her life; Moirine threatened her life and gave her away twice (to the police and to Ira). Cristo is the best of all of those options, in her mind.

6. One of your characters that I think would get along well with them

I CAN'T THINK OF ANYONE AND THEY AREN'T RABBITS NOR KENTUCKY FRIED JESUS